


Derek Hale: Human GPS

by saviourhale



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Drunk Derek, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Minor Vernon Boyd/Erica Reyes, idk what else to tag this??, sorry - Freeform, sorta cracky I guess??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3456977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saviourhale/pseuds/saviourhale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What the hell is this?” Stiles shoves the phone to Derek’s face and waves it about.</p>
<p>“Google maps” Derek answers, and there’s an unspoken ‘duh’ at the end of that response.</p>
<p>“Yes, I see that, I’m not an idiot” Stiles says taking the phone back.</p>
<p>“Could’ve fooled me” Derek snipes.</p>
<p>“YOU WEREN’T EVEN USING THE GPS!” yells Stiles, “what, were you just zooming in and reading me random directions?” he asks.</p>
<p>Derek shrugs, and Stiles could literally kill him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Derek Hale: Human GPS

**Author's Note:**

> based on a story a friend once shared with me...bc naturally everything makes me go 'oh! sterek au'.

“Say— fuck. Say bye— dude! It’s time to go, Derek” Stiles heaves out. He’s got a very drunk and heavy Scott passed out in his arms. Meanwhile, Derek’s drunk ass refuses to say goodbye to his friends.

“I don’t— but I don’t wanna” Derek whines chugging down the last bit of beer from one of the two remaining solo cups on the beer pong table.

“Stop being so boring Stiles, this is a house warming party” Erica tells him with a wave of her hand.

“Yeah man, have a beer or two” Boyd chimes in as he walks over to the fridge.

“It’s like two thirty am, and this guy” Stiles says motioning to Scott with his chin, “is way passed out, and that one” he’s now glaring at Derek who’s busy trying to keep a ping pong ball up in the air, “has lost all inhibitions. I gotta take them home, and I’m tired, I just wanna go to sleep”.

“Well we have plenty of room, why don’t you guys stay the night?” Erica suggests.

”But Stiles needs his pillow” Derek mumbles shaking his head vigorously, and what the fuck dude. Is nothing sacred these days? That was a secret only Scott, his dad, and Derek knew.

Traitor, Stiles thinks.

“Anyways—” Stiles begins to half carry, half drag Scott towards their car and somehow manages to wake him up enough to cajole him into climbing up on the back seat.

Fucking Derek and his stupid big, dumb, pouty drunk mouth.

“Alright big guy, time to go” Stiles announces waltzing back inside a while later to get Derek who’s falling asleep on the couch, his head lolling forwards.

Boyd and Erica are over by the larger couch, Erica straddling Boyd’s hips, rutting furiously against him while they make out.

How long was Stiles even gone?

Everything about the scene before him is so, so very wrong.

“Time to head home nerd” Stiles whispers shaking Derek awake by the shoulder.

"Stiles?” Derek asks groggily. Seriously, how long was he gone?

“No, the tooth fairy” Stiles sasses.

“Cute tooth fairy” Derek sighs with droopy eyes and a dopey grin.

“Shut up, you’re not allowed to be a cute drunk, you told” Stiles gripes.

“M’sorry” Derek pouts, “thought I said it here”. Derek pokes at his head and looks at Stiles.

“S’fine, c’mon, let’s go home k?” Stiles pulls him up from the couch and guiding him towards the door.

“BYE!” Derek yells, not like it matters, because Erica and Boyd are like five seconds away from creating a baby.

“Worst hosts” Stiles mumbles shaking his head. “Ever”, they close the door behind them and figure it’d be best to just text these guys later.

* * *

“Derek, what the fuck? Where the hell are we?” Stiles asks. They’ve been driving for over forty five minutes now, and if Stiles weren’t so tired, he would have figured out a long while ago that they were nowhere near their apartment.

Derek also refused to let Stiles insert their destination onto the phone’s GPS, claiming he could totally do it by himself.

Clearly, Stiles should’ve put up more of a fight.

“We’re going home” Derek states obviously.

“No shit asshole, but does this look like home to you?”, they’re parked on the side of a one way road Stiles has never seen before, and he swears he can hear water running somewhere. And frogs?

RIBBIT, RIBBIT.

Yup, fucking frogs.

“No, no this does not look like home” Derek squints out the window. Stiles throws his arms up in exasperation and slams his head back against his seat.

“I don’t feel so—” Scott stirs in the backseat and struggles to get the door open.

Once he manages to get his hand on the handle, he spills out of the car in a flurry of limbs, bending over and throwing up everything’s he’s consumed during the day.

“Dude, gross” Stiles whines scrunching up his nose. “Derek, fucking give me the phone!”

Scott manages to crawl back into the car, and flops back down moaning promises about ‘never again’. Stiles scoffs because, same Scott, same.

Never again.

* * *

Derek won’t let Stiles have the phone, full on death grip on it and Stiles’ tugging is not helping whatsoever.

“Fucking, oh my god”

“I can do it, m’fixing it, stop pulling!”

“No screw this, we’re here because of you”

“Dick”

“What the fuck, asshole”

“Bitch”

“Derek, I swear to—”, the phone slips out of Derek’s hands and Stiles makes a grab for it.

“You’re being very difficult right now, Stiles” Derek reprimands trying to take back the phone and Stiles let’s out an offended squack.

“I’m— I’M BEING DIFFICULT?” Stiles asks in disbelief. “The audacity” he mumbles unlocking Derek’s damn phone.

“What the hell is this?” Stiles shoves the phone to Derek’s face and waves it about.

“Google maps” Derek answers, and there’s an unspoken ‘duh’ at the end of that response.

“Yes, I see that, I’m not an idiot” Stiles says taking the phone back.

“Could’ve fooled me” Derek snipes.

“YOU WEREN’T EVEN USING THE GPS!” yells Stiles, “what, were you just zooming in and reading me random directions?” he asks.

Derek shrugs, and Stiles could literally kill him.

“Please don’t say a single word for the rest of the ride, Derek, or I swear” Derek pouts at him, but complies. He crosses his arms against his chest and keeps quiet while Stiles clicks about on his phone.

* * *

Stiles thanks the divine spirits out there that Derek falls asleep only a few minutes after he started the engine back up.

Turns out they weren’t far from the apartment after all, Derek had just taken a very different and long route back.

With a sigh, Stiles cuts of the engine and calls out, “I am not dragging either of you two assholes up to the apartment, so either wake your ass up, or sleep inside the car. See if I give a flying fuck”

He clambers out of the car and makes his way up the steps of their apartment complex, then up a flight of stairs to the second floor.

“Drunk dicks” Stiles grumbles opening their apartment’s door. He barely manages to remove his clothes, before he collapses on his and Derek’s bed.

* * *

Stiles isn’t sure if he dreams it or not, but he feels Derek’s soft lips press to his left temple and hears a whispered “sorry I was being difficult” into his ear.

* * *

He wakes up the following morning to an empty bed and groans.

They slept in the car?

He throws off the sheets covering his body and grabs a pair of Derek’s old ratty sweats.

He makes it out the bedroom door, and makes for the front door when Derek speaks up.

“Where are you headed off to half naked?” his amused tone irritates Stiles. He turns on his heel and glares at Derek.

“Well, you weren’t in bed, so I figured your dumbass had slept in the car” Stiles says obviously.

“I did not sleep in the car” Derek tells him, “and I wasn’t in bed because I felt really bad for acting so ridiculously last night, so I made you chocolate chip pancakes, and a cheese and bacon omelet”

“Food will not soften me Hale” Stiles warns with a squint.

“Lies” Derek says with a grin, and Stiles inches forward. Everything looks really good and Stiles grumbles out a few colorful curse words. He gets closer and okay, so he lied.

Food will definitely soften him.

“That’s right, that’s right. It looks delicious, don’t deny it” Derek boasts.

“You’re ruining the moment Hale” Stiles complains, but he’s smiling.

Derek walks over and hugs Stiles, pulling him close by the hips and leaning down to plant a soft kiss on his shoulder.

“You were an obnoxious asshole” Stiles tells him.

“I’m very—” Derek pauses to kiss his way up Stiles’ neck, “very” Stiles cranes his neck to allow Derek better access. “Sorry” he covers Stiles’ lips with his.

“You’re lucky I love you” Stiles says pecking Derek softly on the lips.

“Oh, I know” Derek agrees.

“Oh gross, m’gonna be sick again” Scott whines walking into the kitchen.

“Pipe the fuck down McCall” Stiles warns.

”Fuck you Stilinski” Scott calls back, “ohhh, pancakes!”

“Get your own, these are mine!” Stiles exclaims.

“So lucky” Derek says with a laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> heh, this was very fun to write, drunk derek makes me really happy for some reason idk. 
> 
> but yeah, I was out with my cousins and friends a while back and my cousin's best friend's girlfriend (wow lol) shared a story with us about how they'd gone to this party (her, her boyfriend and my cousin) and my cousin and his best friend had gotten really drunk so she was the dessignated driver, but her boyfriend wouldn't let her use the phone for the GPS and so she was like okay you do it. long story short, he was zooming in on the streets and giving her random directions and she finally realized they had been driving the wrong direction once she came to some really desserted dirt road and they had to wait while my cousin got off the car to throw up and stuff.
> 
> it was very funny story, and I thought it'd make a good sterek au.
> 
> hopefully you enjoyed it! this is also on [ tumblr ](http://tomymerlyn.tumblr.com/post/112023682515/based-on-a-story-a-friend-once-shared-with-me-bc). come say hi if you'd like, or send me prompts. :)


End file.
